She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This can only be settled by a dance off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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