i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
