He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
