Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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