dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
