You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
