dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize