Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
