what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
