there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
