I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
