i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
