I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
