Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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