but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That accounts for only three of the penises
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
