you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
