He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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