theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
