I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
