She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
