I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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