11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
