I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
