so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
