Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
