NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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