You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
someone owes me an orgasm
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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