I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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