dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my phone needs a breathalizer
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
