Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
