Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize