now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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