My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
