You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
