Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
