I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
