you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
