So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
