My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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