i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
