It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
