So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
