I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
