This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
