But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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