he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
