I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
