he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
