He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
