haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
