Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
