I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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