The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
