Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
