Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
