funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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