dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
