I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
