Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize