Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
