We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
