Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
