he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
