Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
