Nicole vs. Life
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
