I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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