sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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