She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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