We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize