I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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