i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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