Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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